Ask Rosemary

Rosemary is our resident expert on event planning and proper etiquette for all occasions.

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Rosemary, My husband passed away on December 3, 2007. I received flowers and plants from "The Board of Directors" and "Friends" from his company. I will be sending a card, but need some help. My husband was well known throughout the company and had many friends. I want to write more than a few sentences. I want the words to come from my heart, but also be professional. This is a very well known company in the United States.
	Dear Friends/Family, I want to express my sincere gratitude for the thoughtful gifts you sent. The flowers and plants truly brighten the room and lift my mood. I know Sam would appreciate your kind gestures. He spoke often of his friendships with his many co-workers; I know you all meant a great deal to him. Many of you expressed such beautiful sentiments that I have no trouble seeing why Sam enjoyed his work so much. Being surrounded by people like you was a large part of why Sam liked to go to work each day. Thank you all so much for your kind words, your generous gifts, and most of all, for your friendship with Sam. Knowing you will miss him too makes my burden a bit easier to bear. Sincere regards,
Rosemary, I find "group" sympathy cards tacky. The manager of our office has just lost her mother. The office gets one card and they all put a note in it. I just find it terrible. This is not a birthday, this is not a celebration it is a death and I think that expression of sympathy is best left to each individual... for goodness sake, spring for the price of a card! Am I being too prickly?
	I hear what you are saying but if you look at it from the other side. How many of the people who sign the card know the deceased? The intent of expressing sympathy is still there. The comfort to the survivor is there. This is a very acceptable form of sending condolences. If you decide you want to send an individual card you can do so however, there is nothing wrong with sending a group card from an office.
Rosemary, A truly dear friend of mine passed away on July 4, 2007. The family ask me to be in charge of getting the largest public building we have in this town for the funeral services. In communicating with our County Council and our Sheriff and his department I was able to get everything we needed. I really feel compelled to send these two organizations a thank you letter. They went above and beyound the call to meet our needs. Bill Pinkney was the only surving member of the Original Drifters, he was inducted into the rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He was our small town only celebrity. His funeral was probally the largest event this town has ever seen. I just can't seem to find the right words to thank the very many people and organizations who helped us to plan and get this service done. Please help.
	You may want to send something like this: Your cooperation and tireless help was much appreciated in celebrating the life of Bill Pinkney . It is so wonderful to have all of us working together. The world is a much better place with people like you!
Recently my 43yr old sister died of a seizure and the very next day, my 44yr old brother committed suicide.(He never knew about my sister dying) Both funerals were on the same day. I have received numerous sympathy cards and would like to write something personal in each card when I send them out,but I'm not sure what to say. Please help. Thanks.
	I am so very sorry for your losses. At times like these it is best to concentrate on the positive. Thank you for your kindness during these difficult times. Mary will always be a part of our lives. We can remember the good times and know she is now at peace. You can use the same for your brother. If you have to send the note for both to the same people you may want to change his a bit. John will always be alive in our remembrance of him. Your kindness is very much appreciated.
My husband passed away several weeks ago. I thought the donation to the pastor was included in the cash accomodations by the funeral home. I just found out this did not happen. How do I address the card?
	I am sorry for your loss. I would not mention anything about not knowing about the donation. I would include a note: Thank you for your kind words and participation in John's services. Your words were very comforting. Enclosed please find my donation for your services.
My Uncle (who is extremely close to me and walked me down the isle at my wedding because my father had already passed away) lost his father on Sunday, July 1st, 2007 to a long sickness battle. My question is that my Uncle had a horrible relationship with his father since he was about 4, and without getting into too much detail his father was not a nice man to put it mildly and was cruel to his children. My Uncle is torn so much right now in his heart on how to feel. On one side he's already grieved the loss of his dad of what wasnt and what should have been, on the other hand he is in a sence relieved this chapter of his life is over. My Uncle is a wonderful Christian man, how do I word a sympathy card for him? I cant say anything about holding the memories close in his heart, or taking peace in knowing he will see his father again one day. It's such a touchy situation, but I need to send him something. I looked forever to just find an appropriate sympathy card and finally gave up and bought a blank card. Any help in what I should say is greatly appreciated!
	This is a difficult situation. You may want to express your thoughts as such: Passage Ecclesiastes 3:1-8: A Time for Everything 1There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven-- 2A time to give birth and a (B)time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. 3A (C)time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up. 4A time to (D)weep and a time to (E)laugh; A time to mourn and a time to (F)dance. 5A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing. 6A time to search and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep and a time to throw away. 7A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; A time to (G)be silent and a time to speak. 8A time to love and a time to (H)hate; A time for war and a time for peace May the passing of your father grant you peace in your heart and forgiveness in your soul.
Need the right words to thank a community for support, holding a fund raiser and all others who supported in the death of a friends husband.
	You could word it something like: Thank you for your generosity and acts of kindness to help "Mary" during her most difficult time. It's people like you who make the world a much better place to live.
I am in the process of writing thank you notes for flower arangements received at the funeral home. For my mother-in-laws passing. My question is there were flower sent from a group of her co workers, that only one signed the guest book with an address. How do I go about sending thank you note to the group? This arrangement was sent besides the one that was sent from the company she works for in which I am sending a thank you to the company. Any ideas you can give would be appreciated. Thank you Lori
	You would have to address the note to the person who wrote in their address in the book. On the inside of the note you would write the note to the group who sent the arrangement.
I have a couple of questions: 1) My mom passed away almost a month ago and I am sending the thank you cards for flowers but want to get the wording just perfect - please help; 2) Some people sent both a monetary donation to a charity as well as flowers - how do I word those thank you cards and; 3) a few of the arrangements came from friends who, although each of their family members do not live together, they sent a "group" arrangement - do I send each person a separate thank you?
	Sorry for your loss. For the general notes you could write something generic: Thank you for helping me during this difficult time. Your kindness and generosity in remembering my mother was a great comfort. For the people who sent multiple names on the card you can send one card to all of them and send it to the eldest or most familiar of the group.

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